'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Heights,
Not a “dude” stirred, the mods empty, imagine that-- not a freshman in sight!
With Orgo books returned, thesis papers sent in with care,
Students groaned that dear old Fr. Leahy open St. Mary’s Hall for all to share—
Home from finals, Eagles read snap-stories nestled in their bed,
Drifting off to sleep, dreaming of pinstriped Tyler Murphy touchdowns instead.
But what’s that I hear, footsteps on the roof? Down the chimney, bells began to rang,
Uh oh, it’s ole Saint Nick, here for a quick bang-bang.
Sick of eggnog and ceaseless reruns of Miracle on 34th Street? Well, maybe Santa’s first BC Sports Christmas List will inspire enough holiday cheer to help you rally through Elf and not cry like a baby at the end of It’s a Wonderful Life. Gather around this warm fire and take a seat on Santa’s lap. Don’t worry—Kris Kringle grew up an Eagles fan. After all, the man wears maroon and gold for a reason. Now, while some Eagles woke up to a house full of gifts, Santa had a few chestnuts to roast before going on his merry way. So without further ado…
Sonny Milano: Naughty
Despite his namesake, no sunshine and roses see the light of day in this kid’s stocking-- just a fat, heaping lump of coal. Once upon a time, this promising young stud inspired the unblemished face of the next top-tier BC hockey recruiting class. So young, so well polished. The only holes in Sonny’s game resemble a zit on Miss Universe.
The stud wingman, drafted 16th overall in this year’s NHL draft, drew comparisons to the famous Johnny Gaudreau for his amazing puck control and top-end speed, only to trespass against the great Jerry York himself less than a month before first semester began. Milano de-committed from BC, ultimately signing with the Columbus Blue Jackets to play in the Ontario Hockey League. Blasphemy, arrogance, and selling your soul to Ontario (not even Vancouver...ONTARIO!) have no room in a wrapped box under any Christmas tree, let alone one on Chestnut Hill. Oh well, enjoy winter in sub-zero degree Canada! We’ll keep Boston.
Steve Addazio: Nice
Nothing too shocking here. The same person responsible for resurrecting the word “dude” naturally leads Santa’s “nice” list. Leading the Eagles football team to consecutive bowl appearances, Addazio gave the football team a complete facelift from the days of Spaz. His overall 14-11 winning record since stepping foot on campus washed away any memories of 2-10 in 2012. A Heisman candidate and seismic upset over a USC squad nationally ranked in the top-10 further validated Addazio’s credibility on the national stage. Before Addazio even knew it, Florida and Michigan expressed interest in luring away the second year coach for their own head coaching vacancies. However, Santa loves loyalty. Addazio’s recently extended contract into 2020 makes for a happy Santa!
Jameis Winston: Naughty
Amidst rape allegations and a few missing crab legs, the future Quarterback of the New York Jets infamous Florida State quarterback haunts the Heights to this day. After sneaking on the field despite enormous controversy and delayed hearings by the NCAA, Famous Jameis practically stole the Heisman trophy from Andre Williams en route to beating Auburn in the BCS National Championship game. At one point, FSU trailed BC, 3-17, to start its 2013 matchup at Alumni Stadium. Jameis proceeded to throw four touchdowns, restoring order in the universe as FSU snuck its way out of an epic upset. Nearly four weeks ago, Jameis pulled off his latest Harry Houdini routine. The quarterback escaped another BC upset bid, surgically leading the Seminoles on a game-winning field goal drive. For his transgressions, Jameis receives a dose of Marcus Mariota and Oregon to spoil his New Year’s celebration.
Virginia Tech: Nice
Simply put, thanks for doing you! For two straight years, Virginia Tech blew late leads against the Eagles, propelling the BC football program to late season surges. The Hokies front seven welcomed Andre Williams and Tyler Murphy with open arms, allowing both running threats to walk through the porous defense like a hot knife through butter. Hell, VT turned over enough balls to the Eagles over the last two years—maybe it’s about time they receive a gift in return! What’s this in Santa’s bag? Only the finest tape to repair that pesky defensive line—hopefully not too well.
“You better watch out, you better not cry.”— Take Santa’s fair warning to heart. He takes things seriously around this time of year, especially upon realizing BC plays in the Pinstripe Bowl, not the Orange Bowl.
Merry Christmas Boston College, and to all a good night!
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