The Cubicle Diaries XIII: The case of the blue mouse

Last week was my final at the office, and needless to say it was glorious.

Don’t get me wrong, having a job is amazing; something not everyone can hang their hat on. Without it, I would not have what you would call a “source of income.”

But having a summer job when you’re in school is like having an unusable, third leg. A drag.

Getting out for the summer has been great. I’ve already golfed more times than I had in the previous three months and I vacationed at the Cape for a few days, where I got rid of the horrendous tan line I’d obtained while golfing.

While my time off has been amazing, I’ve found myself missing those generic, mindless office catastrophes like a missing pen or an empty candy jar. Not.

In a place of employment with about as much excitement as a dead squirrel, I often found myself manufacturing problems to solve and issues to quell. Yes, I led quite the life these past few months.

You know when you’re so busy with your work that occasionally your computer will go to sleep and you’ll be forced to log back in? Isn’t that so annoying? Well, to put this in perspective, I would let my computer fall asleep on purpose, just to give me something to do. Yup.

When Candy Crush and Facebook stalking failed me, I would turn to my little blue mouse for excitement.

Now, I know what you’re thinking, and it’s that I am a crazy person. My only defense is that I’m not as bad as these WalMart people.

For right now, though, it is my little blue mouse that is our topic for discussion.

In a cubicle with whitewashed walls and an office where the smallest age difference between myself and a coworker was 12 years, I all but went insane during my days there.

This blue mouse, however, was my saving grace. It did everything from left click to right click. It was the bee’s knees; even the cat’s nuts.

To be precise, I loved this mouse because I had been working on a laptop for the first couple months and switching between Excel spreadsheets is wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy easier with a computer mouse. It was my saving grace.

Why am I telling you this? Because staring at a computer screen for 45 hours each week for three months has made me certifiably irrational and has led me to talk to you about a blue computer mouse.

I’m also telling you this because my work called me two days after I had finished for the summer, asking where my little blue mouse had gone.

I had absolutely no idea what they were talking about, since it was their computer mouse and I had just left everything on my desk after my last day. I told them that a coworker had probably scavenged it as soon as I had left.

When someone actually stole the batteries out of my mouse one time, I went into complete introversion mode. I had a renaissance of sorts about the character of my fellow workers, and what was left became reminiscent of SpongeBob.

My work called while I was at the Cape, and I was definitely in no state to understand anything they were asking me. So I proceeded to forget the phone call within the next day or so.

That is... until I opened my cooler...

Inside the cooler that I take to work was... the USB of the blue mouse that connects to the computer to generate wireless connection.

It was all that was left of my little blue mouse. Like Woody without his hat, this USB connection was rendered useless. And while I was in Chatham at the Cape, none of the sharks there would help me find my mouse.

In conclusion, this blog is to serve as an SOS of sorts. Anyone with a heart and soul with a penchant for solving pathetically hopeless, time-wasting problems – much like myself – I beg of you to help find my little blue mouse.

This blue mouse was my best friend at work. It was my Penny, my Chip, and my Used Napkin.

Even Sara McLachlan is helping.

So please, call the number at the bottom of your screen if you’ve seen my little blue mouse – because remember: mice are animals too.

Image via Facebook.
 
This blog and all of its previous entries have been completely satirical in their intent. All names have been changed, but to be honest - half of the people you've come to know and love were completely made up. Also, much of my content was made up to entertain you wonderful readers because, let's be honest, who wants to read about me actually doing work at work.

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Jake Miller