Tori Fisher / Gavel Media

Diatribe: It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like...Christmas?

The Gavel's Diatribe acts as the satirical medium for short rants over topics ranging from complete triviality to utmost importance.

Even though it seems like the pumpkin spice invasion started just a few weeks ago, a new, more pressing threat faces American consumers, even greater than global warming or terrorism: the increasingly early arrival of Christmas.

Christmas displays and merchandise pop up in stores earlier and earlier every year. Even though it's only the middle of October, retailers have had Christmas décor and merchandise out for weeks! If this wasn’t bad enough, Christmas music is starting to creep onto radios. This is difficult to swallow a week before Thanksgiving. How are we supposed to listen to it weeks before Halloween?!

No matter how many times retailers play Perry Como’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas,” they will never be able to brainwash me into thinking that it is already Christmas time. How could they? Every time I look out of my dorm window I see the trees are just beginning to change colors, and people are still wearing shorts out!

What do business executives see, then, when they look out their windows? Apparently, they see snowflakes, large gaudy ornaments, and copious amounts of red ribbon, because that is all I can find in stores.

Why do business executives make Christmas earlier every year? Do they have an insatiable love for Mariah Carey’s “All I Want for Christmas is You?” Do they hate Halloween to the point where they want to smother it with Christmas spirit and overpriced holiday merchandise? Maybe they suck at choosing Halloween costumes and hate seeing their in-laws at Thanksgiving, so they just wish it was Christmas all year round?

One thing is for sure: companies aren’t doing this because they love Santa Claus and Christmas spirit. I fear the real reason is that all they can see is green. No, it's not the green of Christmas trees, mistletoe, or elves. It’s money. They see the cash from all of the sales deceiving us into thinking we need to start shopping for Christmas now. It is not Christmas spirit that influences companies but rather corporate greed.

How do we stop this Christmas invasion? While I think we can all agree that creating an army of giant gingerbread men armed with candy canes would be the best solution, unfortunately, that isn’t possible (yet). What we can do, however, is refuse to buy anything Christmas-related before Thanksgiving, because until then it certainly won’t begin to look like Christmas. Why should we shop like it does?

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