Tori Fisher / Gavel Media

Diatribe: My ResLife Breakup

People say you never forget your worst breakup—I now know that to be true. Our relationship was perfect, all the way to our cute nicknames for each other; I called her "V" for short. She was clean, neat, and always in just the right place—everything a guy could ever ask for. Sure, I flirted with Walsh sometimes, but that was mainly just to appease my friends who thought I should be with her. I never actually meant anything by it. My girl Vandy was always the prize. We just...clicked, I guess. Cliché, I know.

It started off how you’d expect. We met at orientation. I was wandering around a bit lost, and suddenly I spotted her from Lower Live—it was love at first sight. She was tall (so much taller than any of the girls on Upper) and so composed.

Yet, when the time came to finally make it official, to go steady, ResLife stole Vandy from me. I should have known better than to trust ResLife—I’d heard all the horror stories—I was just too naive to believe them. But whatever, I hope they're happy together.

You could say I rebounded pretty hard with, you guessed it, Walsh. She’s older, dirtier, and all around a unique partner. It’s not all bad though! Walsh is much taller than Vandy; some guys might be intimidated by that, but not me. Also, as much as I tried to deny it before, Walsh is so much cooler. Vandy never wanted to party; she preferred to hang around in quiet air-conditioned rooms. Boring. Walsh, on the other hand, loves the loud social scene. All my friends love her and always want to come hang out with us. So, I guess it all worked out.

Most of all, I realized that even if my love life isn’t ideal, it could be so much worse. I mean for God’s sake, I could be dating CoRo.

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