Post-High School Syndrome: 10 Symptoms and Complaints

Post-High School Syndrome affects millions of students all over the globe. It seeps in through the walls of freshmen dorms and lingers in the corners of The Mods. Freshmen waltz into school thinking that their high school accolades still matter, and even some seniors are caught still clinging tight to their high school glory. It is really no secret that some people think college is simply an extension of high school, but there is no need to fret: there is finally a cure for PHS. So that you may better battle your own disease or help those you love, I give you the ten things that no longer matter after high school:

1. SAT Scores

I am sorry, but no. Some internship and job applications may ask for it in order to gauge your basic intelligence, but the moment that you are caught comparing scores you either scream “FRESHMEN” or look like you need to find a hobby.

2. Popularity

The fact that you were the cool guy in high school or the girl everyone wanted to be literally doesn’t matter anymore. It is time to face the sad, hard truth that you cannot be cool in college. You might think you live in “the coolest off-campus house,” but you don’t. Because it’s impossible. You don’t even know half the people in your class.

3. Athletic Prowess

Everyone was good enough at something in high school. Proof: I played varsity lacrosse in high school, yet a stiff wind can move me. Just because you were captain of the volleyball team doesn’t mean that you are actually any good. Take off your letterman jacket. You look ridiculous.

4. Awards

Unless these awards are so great that they literally pay for your college tuition, get off my lawn. Nobody cares that your principal gave you a leather bound dictionary for getting an A in Language Arts.

5. Graduation Parties

You threw the party of the year? That’s cool. Now you live in a dorm and share a bathroom with 30 other people.

6. High School GPA

Getting a 4.5 in high school required attendance and turning in AP homework assignments on time. You go to Boston College… Everyone had a high GPA. And if you had a terrible GPA, then you just had connections and should keep that to yourself.

7. Superlatives

I don’t care that you won “most likely to be successful” or “class clown.” It just doesn’t matter anymore, and nobody in college is going to pat you on the back for being obnoxious in class.

8. Ex-Boyfriends/Girlfriends

If you’re still hanging on to "the one that got away" despite going to school 500 miles away, then you are sad. If you proudly declare your sexual conquests from the days of yore, then you are even more sad. If it’s not happening right this second, then it doesn’t matter.

9. Wealth

Talking about how much money your family has is tasteless. College students should be above discussing money, because nobody needs to know how big your house is or how many tacky Coach bags your grandma bought you.

10. Things Being "Things"

You can't make up words or phrases anymore and think that they are magically going to catch on. You're not Drake. Stop trying to make fetch happen, because it's NOT going to happen.

Comments