102 Reasons You Can’t Go to the Plex Today

1. You walked up the Million Dollar Stairs last week.
2. You thought about walking up the Million Dollar Stairs last week.
3. You’ll take the Million Dollar Stairs tomorrow.
4. If you go to the gym now you might get stuck with Lite Fare.
5. No one likes Lite Fare.
6. You should probably eat soon.
7. Dinner is soon.
8. Lunch is soon.
9. Snack time?
10. You just ate so you should probably digest.
11. If it’s not good enough for the athletes, it’s not good enough for you.
12. None of the cute athletes will be there to see you anyway.
13. They’re renovating the Plex in the 30-year plan.
14. You should wait for the renovated version. It will be better. So will the roof.
15. You already got a work out last night when you ran to Late Night.
16. You don’t want to run into the guy who saw you stuff your face with mozzarella sticks at Late Night.
17. You didn’t apply deodorant today.
18. Your headphones are broken.
19. You might break your headphones.
20. There won’t be any machines open anyway.
21. There won’t be any lockers available anyway.
22. You just bought a jar of Nutella.
23. Your Nutella might get lonely.
24. Your favorite workout outfit is dirty.
25. You don’t want to get your favorite workout outfit dirty.
26. You don’t want to have to do laundry later.
27. Laundry is expensive. Also heavy.
28. There’s a Law and Order SVU marathon on.
29. Your boyfriend likes you just the way you are.
30. You don’t have a boyfriend anyway.
31. You already showered today.
32. You don’t want to shower again and waste water.
33. You’re having a good hair day.
34. You’re running low on shampoo.
35. You don't want to go to CVS to buy more shampoo.
36. Sweating is gross.
37. You should nap instead because you didn't sleep well last night.
38. You should nap instead because you slept well last night.
39. If you’re napping you won’t be eating anyway.
40. You should probably be ready in case Beyoncé drops a new CD.
41. You should probably stay home in case Beyoncé gets pregnant again.
42. You should probably stay home in case Beyoncé does anything.
43. Kobe Bryant might come back.
44. Liam Neeson might come back.
45. You might get taken.
46. Your roommate might get taken if you leave.
47. Your roommate might take all of your food if you leave.
48. Leaving your roommate alone is just risky business.
49. You have to adopt a fish. Mostly to watch your roommate.
50. Your fish wouldn’t like it if you left.
51. If a stranger came over your fish might get scared.
52. You should probably donate to the Sarah McLaughlin dog commercial thing.
53. You need to go cry about the Sarah McLaughlin dog commercial thing.
54. You should probably Facetime your dog.
55. You should probably Facetime your mom.
56. Your mom might call while you’re gone.
57. Your mom might be sad if you miss her call.
58. Take pity on empty nesters.
59. You should probably catch up on House of Cards.
60. Netflix.
61. You should really clean up your Netflix queue.
62. The Oscars are coming up so you should watch every movie nominated to prepare.
63. Ellen Degeneres is hosting and you don’t want to disrespect her by not being prepared.
64. Ellen is a nice lady.
65. You might slip and fall on the way there.
66. Somebody else might slip and fall on the way there.
67. You don’t want to get your sneakers snowy.
68. You should probably just wait for spring when you can run outside.
69. You’re thinking about going to Chipotle.
70. You’re thinking about going to the Shake Shack.
71. You’re thinking about how great the world would be if Chipotle and Shake Shack had a baby.
72. Your mom.
73. You should probably clean your room.
74. You should probably make your bed.
75. You should really just get in your bed so you don’t have to make it.
76. You’re tired from watching the Olympics.
77. You sneezed three days ago so you’re probably sick.
78. You could have asthma, because pollution and things.
79. It’s hard to Snapchat in the Plex.
80. You could lose your ID.
81. You could lose your water bottle.
82. You should probably just stay hydrated.
83. You might fall on the treadmill.
84. You have to go watch YouTube videos of people falling on the treadmill.
85. Crystal meth.
86. DON’T DO THAT.
87. You need to tear down all of the ceiling tiles in Walsh.
88. DON’T DO THAT.
89. You did your share of exercise running for the Newton bus as a freshman.
90. You’ve decided to become a Jesuit.
91. Four out of five doctors recommend you stay home.
92. Four out of five dentists recommend you stay home. Also Colgate.
93. It’s just not safe. For you or your teeth.
94. The US is at war right now.
95. How could you possibly go to the gym when the US is at war? Priorities.
96. Eagles on the warpath ooh-ah.
97. Tonight’s the only time you have to finish knitting that scarf from last year.
98. You can’t remember the last time you shaved your legs. Run Forrest, run!
99. Kidding that’s gross.
100. The Plex is for peasants.
101. Your time would be much better spent reading The Gavel.
102. YOU JUST DON’T WANT TO, OKAY?

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