As the New Year is almost upon us, your Opinions Editor has decided to take some educated stabs at what each month of 2014 will bring, whether it be BC-related or future current events (see what I did there? That was terrible, I apologize).
January - Florida State beats Auburn in the BCS National Championship, 53-37.
February - Panthers beat Broncos in the Super Bowl, 30-21. Luke Kuechly is Super Bowl MVP, and sets record for most tackles in a Super Bowl.
March - Basketball coach Steve Donahue is fired after a 10 win season and 1st round exit in ACC tournament. Bobby Knight is coaxed out of retirement. Tempers flare. Chairs are thrown. Chaos ensues.
April - Jerry York and the Eagles win the NCAA hockey championship against Minnesota.
May - John Kerry gives commencement speech to the Class of 2014. Anti-abortion protestors, still enraged by the selection of Enda Kenny last year, show up again. No one cares.
June - Yours truly is going to be feeling 22.
July - Amazon starts using drones to deliver purchases straight to your door. It is quickly taken to court over various charges of the drones suddenly becoming self-aware and peeping into bedrooms across the country.
August - BC shuts out newly-Spazzed UMass 50-0 in the season opener. #fireSpaz chants ring out in Amherst.
September - Convocation. Overeager freshmen ask questions about a book that they haven’t even read to the author of said book.
October - World Series: Texas Rangers beat the Los Angeles Dodgers.
November - Congressman Peter King, formerly a notorious fundraiser for the Irish Republican Army and currently the epitome of a hypocrite in all that he does, finally loses his seat after 12 terms. Hopes for a 2016 presidential run are quashed.
December - BC goes 8-4 in Steve Addazio’s second season with the Eagles, and is selected to play in the Sun Bowl in El Paso, Texas.