On the off chance you didn’t know, finals are just around the corner. That means the next 2-3 weeks will be filled with cramming, crying, and of course complaining. If you plan on being within a two foot radius of anyone before the semester ends, you should know how to assess and deal with the string of complaints that are guaranteed to come your way. Luckily, your preparation can be mapped out in ten easy steps:
1. Don’t Make Eye Contact
You know those people you say hi to and ask how their break was even though you don’t care? Don’t do that anymore. Their only response will be “Ugh break was sooooo relaxing but now I’m sooooo stressed about finals ughhhh.” Let them tweet about it in their spare time instead of wasting yours.
2. Wear Headphones
The only worthwhile art you need to master in college is the art of avoidance by using technology. It doesn’t matter if you’re actually listening to music with those headphones. Just keep them on and keep your nose in your book. All will be well.
3. Put Their Complaint in Perspective
It might not seem nice, but if you let your complaining friend know that 107 people in the United States died in the minute it took him or her to describe the upcoming difficulty of finals week, they might stop whining.
4. Belittle Their Complaint
Oh you have five finals? So does everyone else.
5. If It’s A Friend, Try To Listen
Sometimes, people just need a vent. It might be annoying that they are complaining about the same problems that you have, but be open. If they came to you, maybe you’re the only person they’ve got. You don’t have to respond, but at least listen.
6. Pretend To Listen
If you can’t bring yourself to actually listen, at least make it look like you are. Stare at the bridge of their nose while they talk and nod every time there is a conversational pause of more than two seconds. Keep your expression sad and sympathetic. Squint your eyes in concern.
7. Live Tweet Their Complaint
Nothing says stop complaining about your easy life like a sarcastic hashtag. #PrayingForYou.
8. Be Understanding
If you have any sense of true friendship, you will know when your best friends are struggling to cope with stress. It isn’t hard to go out of your way to make sure their complaints aren’t completely ridiculous and maybe grab coffee as a study break.
9. Utilize Facebook Chat
There’s no better way to say, “I’m only pretending to care” than offering advice via Facebook message. Not to mention the safety of your computer screen means that you can still study for your exam while they complain about theirs! Win, win!
10. If You Won’t Listen, Don’t Expect To Be Listened To
If everyone else is having problems dealing with their stress, you probably are too. If you refuse to listen to anyone else, don’t expect them to go out of their way for you. Be nice, or buy a diary.
Feature image courtesy of Pinterest.