Humans of the Plex

The gym is a place to observe people acting in ways that may seem out of character. If you are looking to really understand a person, taking them to the gym will tell you a lot. Their refusal to accompany you obviously says something as well, but the way in which people carry themselves and workout at the gym can only lead to the following observations. If you have spent any amount of time in or even around the Plex, you have probably encountered the following people.

The Beauty Queen

Like the song by NEXT says, these girls are, “The ones with nice clothes and all the shoes,” making you question your choice of baggy gym shorts and rundown sneakers. Her makeup is flawless and hair is all in place. She may even wear it down and not look completely ridiculous. Not only is she sporting Lululemon and Nike at all times, but she never outfit repeats or looks like she’s using excessive force while working out. Sweating is so last season.

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The Hulk

He walks by and you can’t help but gawk. Whether or not you like muscles, it’s hard to turn away from the guy that looks like he does nothing but work out. He spends an inordinate amount of time staring at himself in the mirror and is never out of reach of his protein drink. Tank tops are his preferred attire and, hopefully, he’s carrying a towel. Also, beware of his gym bag. Although the Plex enforces a no bags or jackets on the floor policy, this guy probably has a duffel that is just waiting for some poor unsuspecting person to trip on.

The Spaz

Not only does this person trip over items left on the floor by The Hulk, but more likely than not this person trips on the treadmill, awkwardly walks into people focused on their workouts and drops their listening device while exercising. The gym is a death trap to this person, but so is walking to class. All in a days work for the uncoordinated bunch.

The Professor

This middle-aged man spends most of his time on a piece of cardio equipment and almost always is wearing a BC shirt. He carries a towel and a piece of reading material. One can only hope that does not include the paper you turned in last week. As if writing it didn’t stink enough.

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The Newbie

This kid, whether a freshman or senior, has absolutely no idea what he or she is doing. Upon walking into the Plex, this person will most likely wander around looking for the treadmills before realizing they are located on the second floor. Once their equipment of choice is located, this person will precede to overdue their workout or sporadically jump around from machine to machine with no method. The experience will probably result in taking a hiatus from the gym and all things active for the foreseeable future.

The Equipment Hog

Whether this person is writing their thesis paper on the bike or reading Proust on the leg press, they are completely checked out of their workout. After giving this person your best withering stare and walking circles around the machine like an animal zoning in on its prey, this person just won’t take the hint. They constantly go over the courtesy limit of 30 minutes on cardio machines during peak gym hours and start full conversations while sitting on equipment that others are waiting to use. The only way to circumvent their idleness is to directly approach the person. But I mean, who does that?

All photos courtesy of Christie Merino / The Gavel. 

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