First and foremost, I need to make it clear that this is not a “why eight-mans suck” piece. Eight-mans do not suck. Eight-mans are great. But they are far from the housing paradise obnoxious people make them out to be. And if you are still salty about living on CoRo, your bitterness is likely unwarranted. Here are eight reasons why eight-mans don’t live up to the hype:
1. Sharing a room: If an eight-man suite consisted of singles, I would not be writing this whiny article. But alas, eight-mans are made up of doubles, which means you have to share your room. At the end of the day, you still don’t have a space to call your own. Who cares about high ceilings and air conditioning when you can’t even listen to music without putting on headphones?
2. Cleaning the bathroom: I’m not going to lie, communal bathrooms in traditional dorms are awful. But they do have their perks. For instance, you never have to worry about cleaning. This is not the case with suites. Suddenly you need to learn how to scrub a toilet bowl and clean a shower. Not fun.
3. Noise: Proximity to the Mods can be a terrible, terrible thing.
4. Cost: If the cost of suite-style living matched that of traditional rooms, perhaps anger over shoddy living conditions would be more warranted. Instead, living in an eight-man is significantly more expensive than living in a traditional room. So think of it this way: you are saving $1,000 a year by living on CoRo. That’s equivalent to about 100 hours working at the dining hall.
5. Taking out the trash: Remember that person who would take out the trash in the bathrooms and connector lounges? You are now that person. Congratulations.
6. Drama: I don’t know about guys, but girls were not meant to function in packs of eight; it’s just unnatural. It is statistically impossible for everyone to get along and agree on living rules. A sensational reality television show is the only good thing that can come out of eight-man living. I can already see the tagline: Eight girls. One suite. A lot of hocus pocus.
7. Thin walls: Any shenanigans that go down in the lounge can be heard from your room. The travel of sound is remarkable, really. From popcorn popping to music playing, you can’t escape it.
8. Poor craftsmanship: Despite the price and reputation, eight-man living is far from luxury; everything from the dresser drawers to the kitchen cabinets are of less-than-desirable quality. In addition to the furniture being junkyard-worthy, the showers are annoyingly low-pressure -- everyone’s worst nightmare.
So do I regret not requesting a single on Greycliff? Absolutely. But I could have just as easily listed eight reasons why eight-mans are awesome and why living in Greycliff is not.
Perfect housing is elusive. But being content is not. See the positives in your living arrangement and stop pining after what does not exist. Unless you’re in a forced triple with two axe murderers plotting your untimely demise, you should be thankful for the roof over your head and the reasonably sane people you call your roommates.Featured image courtesy of Katie Levingston/Gavel Media