I know what you tweeted last summer: Paris Hilton

Her bio calls her an American heiress, socialite, television personality, businesswoman, fashion designer, entrepreneur, model, actress, producer, author and singer.

So in your mind you are probably thinking, “Wow this is a pretty accomplished and intelligent woman."

Hahaha…oh, she wishes. No, this is not the bio for one of the many women who are redefining our world’s power like Oprah Winfrey or Anna Wintour.dumb paris

This is rather the overly generous profile of Paris Hilton.

There is no better way to understand the true essence of Paris Hilton than by seeing how she planted herself in America’s heart, or better our gossip magazines.

Hilton began her climb to significant notoriety for a sex tape, which was released shortly before the premiere of the reality series The Simple Life (so that’s where Kris got the idea…), which was a huge success and brought Hilton and co-star/ best friend Nicole Richie international fame.

paris singingFollowing her stint behind the camera, Hilton then decided to hone her writing craft and released her 2004 autobiography Confessions of an Heiress: A Tongue-in-Chic Peek Behind the Pose. Because you have so much worldly advice and experiences…?

However, Paris then returned behind the camera when she landed a supporting role in the 2005 horror film House of Wax. This is close to home for me because it was on this set that Hilton broke up one of my most beloved celebrity couples of all time, Chad Michael Murray and Sophia Bush. For this I will never forgive you Paris.

After recording her 2006 music album Paris, she later starred in the series Paris Hilton's My New BFF and its two spin-offs, Paris Hilton's British Best Friend  and Paris Hilton Dubai BFF. Honestly, some critically acclaimed work.

gavel3-300x3002-150x150But despite the “wealth and scope” of Hilton’s illustrious career, Paris embodies the label of “famous for being famous.” Paris is probably our society’s best example of the modern phenomenon of the "celubutante," the celebrity who achieves fame not because of his or her talent or work but because of their inherited wealth and controversial lifestyle.

I mean to sum Paris up in a nutshell: She built a scale model of her mansion for her dogs…with a chandelier. A mansion, with a chandelier…for her dogs… Enough said.

The chick is actually ridiculous. So naturally I had to check out her Twitter account to see just how dumb she really is. All I have to say is that girl did not disappoint.

Just in case none of us wear a watch, or are too stupid to check the clock on the top of the phone screen we are looking at, Paris decided to be our own personal timekeeper by letting us know each and every day when it is 11:11.

Every day…

1111 #livelifetothefullest

1111 #lifeiswhatyoumakeofit

1111 #dreamsdocometrue

11

1111 #lifeisbeautiful

Thanks Paris for the heads up. I’m definitely going to make a wish today #TrueFriendsHaveYourBack!!!!

beach bunny

LOL!!!

eventually all things fall into place

You probably spend most of your time laughing at the confusion.

live today

Wait, so just today?

yesterdays troubles

Got it, just today.

collect moments

So that’s why you have a walk-incloset full of brand new clothes that still have the price tag on them…
But that is not what scares me the most.

back in the studio loves it

Somewhere in this world a little piece of Jay-Z just died.

on set shooting first scene

Like the fact that this is actually happening kills me.

no limit

Ohhhh…now the reason behind everything you do makes sense. Problem here is Michael Phelps has actual talent, and you just have Daddy’s bank account.

perserverance

Yeah…hate to break it to you but not in your case…Please, just stop.

So don’t be fooled by any bios that you see for Paris Hilton that list all of her “professions.” Girl is as dumb as they come. Those deep, inspiring quotes she tweets sometimes…yeah not from her own head, or even a book for that matter. Not a chance.

She obviously has some Chinese take-out on speed dial so that she can call them up and order some fortune cookies to read whenever she wants to tweet.

I mean this is the girl who once said, “I don’t really think, I just walk.”

Screenshots by Katie Tolkowsky/Gavel Media

gavel ad el pelon

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