I know what you tweeted last summer: Taylor Swift

So the other day I was in the car with my friend and she put in a mix CD she recently made of old Taylor Swift songs. Suddenly, I was no longer in the car with her but rather in my sophomore year Chemistry class where we used to blast the songs “Love Story” and “You Belong With Me” during lab.  While I wasn’t one to go and hang her posters all over my room and write “13” on my arm in sharpie, I was for sure Team Taylor over Team Joe. Whatever, I was young and naïve -- I was a Taylor Swift fan. But then again I do not need to defend myself about loving her because you definitely all did too.

What do I think of her now?

Well, she is honestly one of the most annoying people-- ever. First of all if I see her make that “OMG I can’t believe I actually just won!” face one more time, I am going to slap the chick. Like obviously you know that you are the most famous “country” singer right now due to your Twi-hard-like cult following, so clearly you are going to win the popularity contests like the Teen Choice Awards. Honestly it may work for the first couple of award shows but after six years it gets a bit old, don’t you think?

Screen shot 2013-06-26 at 5.38.11 PM

Also have another boyfriend, I dare you. It’s like you find someone famous, you reel them in, fall “madly in love” for all of 3 months, then somehow you’re the one who gets her heart broken, you gather enough material for a new song, and voila! In a matter of days you are on to the next one.

gavel3-300x300I mean the girl has been linked to 13 guys in the past 4 years. Fast much? However, due to Taylor’s sweet and innocent “Oh, I’m just a simple country girl who is always getting her heart broken by bad boys” **bats eye lashes** routine I guess the harshest we can call her is a serial dater.

Whatever, I’m over it. We all know she’s crazy. I guess now that she has finally hit her lucky number “13” she can settle into the role she has always dreamed of – cat lady.

Relax, I’m not just being a b***h and wishing a life of solitary confinement for Taylor where she is simply destined to die an old maid with several cats. I do not wish that upon anyone. But seriously, Taylor Swift is headed in that direction.

Have you ever seen her Twitter account before? I never even thought to follow her because if she’s that annoying when she’s merely following the script her publicist wrote for her, God only knows what she’s like when she actually gets to speak her mind. At the age of 23, when most other young adults are just beginning to blossom romantically, Taylor has decided to take a break from dating (ya think?) and focus on herself and her career.

Yet all her Twitter seems to show us is that she is focusing on her cat -- I’m not joking. I’d say that out of her almost 2,000 tweets, Taylor talks about her cat about 75% of the time. That is not healthy.

No Kitty or Fluffy or even Whiskers for that matter. No, Taylor Swift named her cat Meredith – a name typically reserved for a child. Coincidence or conspiracy?

cat meredith in the morning

Meredith is not the only one silently judging you. Taylor Swift even employs Meredith as her very own security guard

cat as dragon

And as her personal publicist. 

cat to vote

Taylor even brings Meredith back stage before the show. 

pre- show

Taylor even skips out on all of the after parties with real people to celebrate with the only friend she needs.

get home after crowd

Okay, maybe she will bring one friend home...but only to take this picture! 

friendships like this

She's not bored silly...she's depressed that you came home. 

bored cat

She even went so far as to attempt kitty suicide. 

cat suffocating stomach

So that she wouldn't have to deal with this...

clipping cats claws

Or witness something as pathetic as this...

chinese food cat couch

Or even be asked questions like this...

googling frogs

So Taylor do us all, especially Meredith, a favor and act like a 23-year-old. Go out and see the world. Now I'm not saying that you don't need to go out and party and do drugs like Lindsay Lohan, but maybe making a friend who doesn't walk on all fours or lick itself clean might be good for you. Oh and preferably stay away from the male species. I think you've done enough there...

Screenshots by Katie Tolkowsky/Gavel Media

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