Happy Thanksgiving upper east siders...you’re about a week and a half late.
For some reason, the cast of “Gossip Girl” decided to celebrate Thanksgiving now instead of when it actually happened. I’m not complaining though because with every holiday comes a healthy serving of drama.
Dan and Serena are planning their first Thanksgiving dinner as a couple. Everything seems to be going smoothly, but Dan keeps texting Georgina about how he’s almost done with the “Serena chapter” of his exposé. Red flag #1.
Chuck is still drowning his sorrows in alcohol and silky pajama sets when Nate comes to his apartment and begs him to snap out of this funk. He claims it’s hopeless to fight anymore because Bart has destroyed all the evidence that could incriminate him. Nate actually proves that his character isn’t totally worthless by telling Chuck that one of the men who knew Bart’s secrets mysteriously drowned after falling off of one of Bart’s company boats. Hmm suspicious.
Blair is hatching one of her schemes and calls Sage in an effort to ruin Serena and Dan’s relationship, which she does not approve of. They form a plan that will get Sage and her father invited to Serena’s dinner so that Serena can rekindle her love with Steven and Sage will have a chance to reconnect with Nate. Of course, Dan does not take kindly to this because there’s just not enough room at the table for all of Serena’s baggage.
Even though Chuck has banned her from The Empire, Blair sneaks past the guards and gets into Chuck’s apartment disguised as a stripper in a Native American costume. I’m just going to let that one sink in for a second because the image is still making me laugh…ok, I’m composed now. She convinces Chuck to come to Thanksgiving dinner at Serena’s so he can remove himself from the aforementioned funk.
The only person not invited to Serena’s is Rufus, who is wearing a shirt that looks like something a tacky cowboy would wear. He explains to Dan that he needs to protect himself because the Humphrey men never do well with Van der Woodsen women. Dan gets miffy and says he knows how to handle it and makes a nasty remark about Rufus and Lily’s failed relationship. Rufus tells him that to win over a Van der Woodsen, you need to become a slime-ball like Bart Bass.
As all of the guests arrive at Serena’s apartment, the fun immediately begins. Steven pulls Dan aside and basically tells him to get lost because he’s just a silly little rebound and Serena will come crawling right back. Dan does what Dan does best and gets miffy again, arguing that he is Serena’s first and only love and Steven doesn’t stand a chance. For some reason, Steven actually gets so intimidated by Dan’s greasy hair and copious chest hair poking out of his v-neck that he leaves the dinner.
Sage and Nate reignite their flame and engage in some nasty PDA. When he comes up for breath after slobbering all over a high schooler, Nate assists Chuck and Blair by hacking into Bart’s computer and discovering a file that confirms another death of a man who had evidence against Bart due to a faulty vehicle lent to him by Bass Industries. Chuck takes this information and exposes Bart and his lies at the dinner table. Lily is beside herself and can’t quite figure out how to react at the moment.
No party is ever complete without the deliciously devious Georgina crashing. She shows up to dinner, angry at Dan for not letting her read the chapters he has written on his current love. She knows that one chapter will expose Serena in a scathing way while the other will fluff her up as the love of his life. She threatens Dan that he’d better pick the “right” one. This of course sets him up to mess up. Big time.
When all seems to be going smoothly at the dinner table, Georgina stands up and announces that Dan’s latest chapter has been published and she is very happy with his choice. Serena reads the awful things Dan says about her and explains that he can’t possibly say all of these terrible things yet still claim that he loves her. Dan is a total jerk and explains that he has always felt like a visitor in “Serena’s World” and now he’s finally acting like all of her awful, back-stabbing friends.
Understandably, everyone is super pissed at Dan. As he tries to leave Serena’s, Nate stops him and sucker punches him right in his little hipster nose. I’m starting to change my mind about Nate – he’s much cooler and a lot less worthless now. Bart is the only person who doesn’t hate Dan right now (shocker) and hands him a business card for whenever he feels like calling. When Dan goes back home, Rufus says that he hopes he feels good about his decision because now he really is like Bart. Dan tells Rufus to shut his pie hole because he’s had a plan all along and “it’s working.” Was your plan to turn into a huge scumbag? Because then you’re right; it’s going rather well.
Ending the episode on a more positive note, Chuck and Blair are back in action. Chuck does one better than asking her to marry him; he asks her to go to war with him. Sigh. I’ll go to war with you any day, Chuck. Just give me a call. Lily calls Chuck and explains that she is afraid of Bart and is getting away from him for a while, but she copied all of his confidential files and sent them to him so that Bart can be cracked once and for all.
What will the last two episodes have in store? Will Dan redeem himself and his awful new personality? Will Chuck be able to take down his father once and for all? Will I spend the rest of my life searching for my own personal Chuck Bass? (That one wasn’t hypothetical…the answer is yes.)
Tune in next Monday at 9pm on the CW for the second-to-last episode!