“Gossip Girl” Episode 3: Dirty Rotten Scandals

Get your barf bags ready — Rufus and Ivy are officially a couple. There, I said it.

This episode, entitled “Dirty Rotten Scandals,” spends way too much time focusing on the atrocity that is Rufus’ penchant for sexual partners who are the same age as his own son. The two profess their love for each other and decide that it is time to go public with the announcement that they are a couple.

Dan, however, seems to have already beat them to the punch. With the publication of the first installment of his book in The Spectator, the whole world finds out about his daddy’s little playmate. Ivy, of course, does not take kindly to this and leaks to Gossip Girl that Rufus is planning to sue his son for libel. I’m starting to think that a certain someone may have a major case of daddy issues.

Speaking of daddy issues, let’s check in with Serena and her middle-aged boyfriend. Stephen’s daughter, Sage, keeps acting out and being extremely rude to her potential step-mommy. Hmm, I wonder why. It couldn’t have anything to do with the fact that Serena was only 4 years old when she was born, could it?

When Stephen suggests that he and Serena take a break to ease tensions with his daughter, Serena becomes the little helpless princess that she is and begs him to stay with her if she promises to talk some sense into Sage and get her to behave. America’s Most Beautiful Trainwreck is not exactly my top choice for a life coach, but hey, to each his own.

Moving on to my favorite topic: Chuck Bass. Blair is tearing her hair out over the fashion show in which she plans to reveal her first line for Waldorf Designs. As always, Dorota comes to the rescue and right as Blair is complaining that she needs someone who can read her mind, in walks Chuck. Swoon! Why is he so perfect?

Chuck agrees to help Blair and tells her that he has everything covered because he is literally the best boyfriend ever. Blair, however, still needs another model for her show and begrudgingly calls Serena, only to have her once-best-friend turn her down flat. Newsflash: they still hate each other.

Sage, who has been running away from Serena all day, weasels her way into snatching that spot in Blair’s show on the condition that Serena will sit in the front row and praise Blair’s designs to the reporters.

At the fashion show, all hell breaks loose. Sage decides it is time to stop playing nice and goes all Dita Von Teese in the middle of the runway, stripping down to her (still surprisingly fashionable) undergarments. You know the song “Rebel Rebel” by David Bowie? Multiply that by 10 and you’ve got Sage.

 

 

That girl is a scheming evil genius, outsmarting both Blair and Serena and, at the same time, jeopardizing what matter most to them. She and Serena acknowledge the all-out war that has begun between them, and she runs off to celebrate her accomplishments by heading over to The Empire where she will most definitely be reprising her little strip show for Nate.

All the way back in Brooklyn, Rufus explains to Dan that he never had any intention of suing his own son, but he is extremely disappointed in the person he has become. Dan, as per usual, sticks out his tongue and storms off, alienating his family yet again. He digs himself a deeper hole by striking a deal to publish the rest of his exposé in Vanity Fair without telling Nate. Oops.

Poor Nelly Yuki is apparently still in love with him from high school and desperately tries to capture his attention with no luck.

Chuck seems to be having better luck than the rest of his friends, as he is able to locate the mysterious man in the picture that may give him a clue to Bart’s shady affairs in Dubai. The episode ends in my favorite way – with Chuck and Blair cuddling in bed, planning to combine their scheming abilities so they can get back to focusing on their perfect relationship even sooner.

Tune in next Monday at 9 p.m. on the CW to see what tangled webs of schemes and drama lay ahead!

You know you love me, XOXO.

 

 

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Samantha Costanza